41. Oh my god, what a cute!!! Yesss! It’s working!!”
42. So I was at the bar last night and the waitress screamed… #Anyone knows CPR?” I said #Hell, I know the entire alphabet.” Everyone laughed… well everyone except this one guy.”
43. Cop: Please step out of the car Me: I’m too fucked up. You get in.”
44. Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.”
45. Mirrors don’t lie and lucky for you they don’t laugh”
46. Dear radio, is it necessary for you to play a song I like when I arrive at my destination?”
47. I don’t understand your specific kind of stupid. But I do admire your total commitment to it.”
48. T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, #T-G-I-F” He smiled at her and replied, #S-H-I-T” She looked puzzled and repeated, #T-G-I-F,” more slowly. He again answered, #S-H-I-T.” The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possible, #T-G-I-F.” The man smiled back to her and once”
49. That moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you’re just so hilarious”
50. At work like Nah… you bitches don’t pay me enough to be asking me to do all that”
