1. Trust me, you can dance.”
#2. Sprayed febreeze in my bathroom now it smells like shitrus”
3. When people tell me they’re #Spiritual” I’m like #Demons are spirits too… be more specific.”
4. A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me… well… that’s a sign of good taste..”
5. Dad! Am I adopted? Of course not! Why would I ever choose you?”
6. You know you won an argument when the other person responds: #Whatever”
7. God wasted a perfectly good asshole when he put teeth in your mouth.”
8. Soooo… What’s in the bag?”
9. Actually no, my post wasn’t about you. But if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it.”
10. Well, aren’t we just 2 scoops of grumpy in a bowl full of bitchy this morning.”
