“91. I’m not old I woke up, I lifted my arms, I moved my knees, I turned my neck… Everything made this same noise: ‘crrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaarrrcccccK!’ I came to a conclusion: I am not old, I am crispy.”
“92. I’m not fat. I’m just so freak in’ sexy it overflows.”
“93. A pretty face is nothing f you have an ugly heart.”
“94. Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation is going to be epic.”
“95. The hacker was so disappointed in my bank account… He started a go fund me page.”
“96. And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.”
“97. Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.”
