FUNNY MOTHER’S DAY MEMES, JOKES AND ONE LINERS FOR 2020

Mother’s Day is on May 10, 2020, and is finally here — which means it’s time to remind your mom just how amazing she is! This is the best day to make your mother special and let her know what she means to you. Make her feel special with some gifts, flowers, quotes and add a pinch of laughter with it by dedicating them some cool and funny mother’s day memes, funny jokes, one-liners and more.

FUNNY MOTHER’S DAY JOKES, ONE-LINERS

“Mom: I love you and your super long voicemails.”
“Motherhood: Powered by love. Sustainable by wine.”
“Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother come out.”
“Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite.”
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!” –Anon
“My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate.” –Anon
“Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.”- Tina Fey
“Dear Mom, thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from dad.”
“Mom, I love you, even though I’ll never accept your friend request.”
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children!” – Sam Levenson
“Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.”
“I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.” –Anon
“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.”- Chrissy Teigen
“It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” –Anon
“Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties.”
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?” –Milton Berle
“Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! (And while I have you, quick apologies for ages 13-21.).”
“A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge.”
“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” –Chinese Proverb
“Every day I wake up and think: How on earth did I become this much like my mother?”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start.”
“Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too.” – Lionel
“It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni.”
“Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.” – William Feather
“Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.” – Mignon McLaughlin
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”- Phyllis Diller
“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” –Peter De Vries
“Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.” – Robert Brault
“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” – Reese Witherspoon
“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” – Anon
“Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.” – Anon
“When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.” – Jeff Shaw
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillin
A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. “As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “We decided to cook our own breakfast.”
Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!
Two men are talking and one says to the other, “My wife’s doctor says she has menopause, and, man, has she been moody lately. How long do the symptoms of menopause usually last?” The other man replies, “Let me put it this way: menopause will be listed as the cause on your death certificate.”
Definiton: Jumper – something you wear when your mother gets cold.
Mum: The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through 3 closed doors in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away… while Daddy snores next to you.
“If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?”
– Milton Berle
A kid walks up to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I go bungee jumping?” The mom says “No, you were born from broken rubber and I don’t want you to go out the same way!”
“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’”-Susan Savannah
“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
– Ambrose Bierce
Why is Daenarys Stormborn the patron saint of Mother’s Day?
Because she’s the mother of all dragons
My Mum’s best dish is store bought chocolate cookies.
“You will always be your child’s favourite toy.” – Vicki Lansky
“People who say they sleep like a baby don’t have one.”
“Happy Mother’s Day. Sorry I wrecked your vagina.”
I saw Mummy asking Santa why he didn’t put his dishes in the dishwasher.
“I bet Mother’s Day gets really awkward and confusing on Game of Thrones.”
A mother’s sacrifice isn’t giving birth. It’s nine months without wine.
Happy Mother’s Day to someone who spoils me and then complains about how spoiled I am.
The family were disappointed with their Mother’s Day celebrations on the moon. The food was terrific but the restaurant lacked atmosphere.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”
What did the mother rope say to her child?…“Don’t be knotty.”
What did the digital clock say to its mother?… “Look, Ma! No hands!”
“Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner the mother inquired, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? A: It’s time to go to sweep!