Awesome Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings We all need some funny sarcasm once a day in our lives to make us laugh. You Can’t Resist Laughing At Best you never know. And we have just that for funny and so true LOL!
Funny sarcastic quotes “It’s like damn it hears my brain is doing just fine then comes to the heart jumping in their like whhoooaaaa slow it down there hear my brain doesn’t process that shit and you’re distracting me LOL! Just an amazing feat! I’m the best at talking myself in now my brain ran away with it because of the heart. I’m finished!
Me: Goodnight. Brain: Pssst. Me: What? Brain: What disease do you think we have?.”
My life has become this one big #I don’t know”.”
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.”
No, I checked my receipt. I didn’t buy any of your bullshit.”
I hope one day you will realize I did truly care for you. I promise you’re gonna miss me being there, putting up with you, refusing to give up on you. You’re gonna regret everything you’ve done to me, including all the damage you’ve caused. And someday, you’ll turn back and I won’t be waiting for you any longer. I might have been worthless to you, but you’ll miss me when I become priceless to another.”
I really do not give a shit anymore, think what you think, believe what you want, but just remember I cared when no-one else did.”
#Sometimes, the only reason why you won’t let go of what’s making you sad is that it was the only thing that made you happy.”
Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.”
The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve.”
Hurt. I’m fucking hurt. And don’t act as you care. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have done what you did.”
People talk about me behind my back and I just sit here like #damn. I got myself a fan club.”
I don’t understand how someone can tell so many lies and never feel bad about it.”
Never apologize for saying what you feel. That’s like saying sorry for being real.”
Instead of saying #I don’t have time” Try saying #It’s not a priority” and see how that feels.”
No one ever got tired of loving. They got tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry, and hurting.”
If you treat me like an option, I’ll leave you like a choice.”
Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there’s no reason to continue.”
Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized, or because you acknowledged the pain that you caused me, but because my soul deserves peace.”
Never get mad at someone for being who they’ve always been. Be upset with yourself for not coming to terms with it sooner.”
In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion.. nice try though.”
You gotta train your mind to be stronger than your emotions or else you’ll lose yourself every time.”
You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you.”
I’m learning how to walk away from situations or people who threaten my peace of mind, self-respect, or self-worth.”
I either keep it all inside or say exactly how I feel with no filter. There is no in between.”
Sometimes you don’t need to hear their excuses or what they have to say for themselves because their actions already spoke the truth.”
Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.”
I hate being lied straight to my face when I know every bit of the truth.”
I have to keep reminding myself that I’m an adult and will be charged as one.”
I googled ‘who gives a fuck?’ my name wasn’t in the search results.”
Not telling me something or hiding something on purpose is just the same as lying.”
y wings are broken, my halo’s bent and my horns are showing. Yea… it’s going to be one of those days.”
Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: the sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your
anger, and the reason behind your silence.”
Sorry honey. Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.”
Some people couldn’t be nice even if a unicorn shoved a fairy wand up their ass while Judy garland stood
there singing somewhere over the rainbow.”
That awkward moment when you think you’re important to someone, and you’re not.”
Sleeping alone is better than sharing your bed with someone who shares their bed with someone else when you’re not around.”
Funny Sarcastic Quotes
I cried when you left me but I laughed when I saw what you left me for.”
I deserve better, I deserve to be loved, wildly, passionately, deeply. I deserve to be known and accepted and appreciated. That’s something you’re not capable of.”
Oh, you’re dating my ex? Cool, I’m eating a sandwich… want those leftovers too?.”
I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.”
Whatever you do, never run back to what broke you.”
. Just because I’m strong enough to handle pain, doesn’t mean I deserve it.”
You have to be odd to be number one.”
Self-control is a strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence.”
If I really was a bitch, I’d make your life a living hell, but instead, I’ll just sit back and watch you do it yourself.”
I thought I was in a bad mood but it’s been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.”
My alone time is sometimes for your safety.”
I don’t hold grudges. I remember facts.”
Sometimes I regret being nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.”
Have a nice life. I’m done trying to be in it.”
Better an oops than a what if.”
Be a pineapple stand tall, wear a crown and be sweet on the inside.”
I’d like to thank: my middle finger for always being there, sticking up for me all those times when I needed it most.”
Pain changes people, it makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out.”
If a man expects a woman to be an angel in his life, he must first create heaven for her. Angels don’t live in hell.”
It all comes down to the last person you think of at night. That’s where your heart is.”
Never be afraid to fall apart. It presents an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you’d been all along.”
You look like something I drew with my left hand.”
If you don’t like me and still watch everything I do bitch you are a fan.”
I think it’s funny that people who treat you like shit get offended when you finally do the same to them.”
I thought I lost you but you were never really there.”
Stop asking me to trust you while I’m still coughing up water from the last time you let me drown.”
Once you become fearless, life becomes limitless.”
I couldn’t be fake about anything even if I tried. My facial expressions would never allow it.”
Be a voice, not an echo.”
It’s better to have nobody than to have someone who is half there, or doesn’t want to be there.”
Something I learned about people… if they do it once, they’ll do it again.”
I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.”
I don’t think you can cheat on a person you love and if you do, you never loved them fully otherwise there wouldn’t be any voids to fill.”
Sometimes silence is the best way to let someone know they did you wrong.”
Why hurt someone whose only intention was to love you?.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Friends
If u listen closely u can hear me not caring.”
I’m not crying because of you; you’re not worth it. I’m crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are.”
Isn’t it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us.”
If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.”
You stabbed me a thousand times and then acted as if you were the one that was bleeding.”
How somebody can just cheat in a relationship and act like nothings wrong amazes me.”
Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without? Well, look at you, living and shit.”
Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?.”
The difference between a pizza and your opinion is that I only asked for pizza.”
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah me neither.”
And now I’ll do what’s best for me.”
If you let her know that she is your priority and remind her from time to time how much you care, you’ll be amazed at how many problems disappear in your relationship.”
Don’t let someone who did you wrong make you think there’s something wrong with you. Don’t devalue yourself because they didn’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t.”
You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.”
Oh, you think I give a shit, how cute.”
You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.”
Stay strong, make them wonder how you’re still smiling.”
You realize how much you truly miss someone when something happens, good or bad, and the only person you want to tell is the one person who isn’t there.”
Once you let mother fuckers slide, they start to think they can ice skate.”
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
People always think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.”
People who do not understand your silence will never understand your words.”
I’m mature enough to forgive you, but I’m not dumb enough to trust you again.”
Like wildflowers; you must allow yourself to grow in all the places people thought you never would.”
If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”
Stay low key. Not everyone needs to know everything about you.”
If I say #First of all” run away because I have prepared research, data, charts and will destroy you.”
You hate when people see you cry because you want to be a that strong girl. At the same time, though, you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are.”
I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I have jealousy issues. Find trust issues. I can be moody sometimes. But I promise you that if I say I love you, I mean it. I’m faithful, I’m loyal, and I will do everything I can to keep you. Don’t confuse my caring for being controlling. Don’t make me put in all the effort. Don’t ignore me. Love me back as you mean it, or don’t stay. Together, we’re strong enough to overcome the worst of the worst; Alone, we struggle to find meaning.”
Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.”
You talk so much shit I don’t know whether to offer you a breath mint or toilet paper.”
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”
When you can’t control what’s happening. Challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is!.”
You see a person’s true colors when you are no longer beneficial to their life.”
I hope one day, you choke on the shit you talk.”
Some days I can’t stop thinking about you, and other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time.”
I told you I’d move on. I told you I’d let you go someday. Honestly, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it was worth it. For me, for my heart. You hurt me so bad. You killed my trust, you changed me. I knew I could be strong enough to let you go. I knew it and I did it. I can’t explain how proud I am. Because I’m the only one who knows how much you hurt me. But here I am now, healing. We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong person, but one thing is sure, mistakes will help us find the right person someday.”
She didn’t leave you for making too many mistakes’, she left because you made the same mistake, too many times.”
Know your worth. Then add tax.”
It’s not the lie that bothers me. It’s the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.”
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers and the middle one’s for you.”
When you have a good heart: you help too much, you trust too much, you give too much, you love too much and it always seems you hurt the most.”
5 Signs that someone doesn’t care for your feelings The make it seem like everything is always your fault; your feelings seem as drama; they don’t ask how are you; You, constantly, feel lonely; you’re afraid to criticize them to avoid an argument because you know it will end up being your fault.”
People have to pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty about the things they did to you.”
Me, jealous of you? Bless your delusional heart.”
The first step of change is to become aware of your own bullshit.”
Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.”
I trusted you, but now your words mean nothing because your actions spoke the truth.”
You can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else.”
If I could show you how awful you made me feel, you would never be able to look me in the eye again.”
I wonder how many calories burn by jumping to conclusions.”
Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.”
You’re not sorry you did it, you’re sorry I found out.”
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.”
She broke her own heart, holding onto him.”
I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.”
I wish people came with a 30-second trailer. So I can see what I’m getting myself into.”
You should never regret anything in life. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s an experience.”
I choose to be kind because it makes me happy. But I will defend my boundaries and my loved ones without hesitation. Make no mistake: I am fierce.”
Oh, darling goes buy a brain.”
I don’t know where all this crap about me being a #difficult person” is coming from. I’m a constant fucking delight.”
The worst feeling in the world is when you can’t love anyone else because your heart still belongs to the one who broke it.”
Be a fruit loop in a world of cheerios.”
There’s a difference between talking shit about a person and talking truth about a shitty person.”
I can’t promise to fix all your problems, but I can promise that you won’t have to face them alone, love mom.”
Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”
Good people are like candles; they burn themselves up to give others light.”
The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.”
If someone won’t lift a finger to call you, see you, and spend time with you, it’s time for you to lift 5 fingers and wave goodbye.”
I should have loved myself with the love I gave to you.”
I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f*cking cactus.”
I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.”
Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart stuff I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seat belt on.”
Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the shit out of them until the light comes on.”
Talk much and they think you’re a fool. Be silent and they become curious.”
Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it.”
It hurts when you realize you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.”
I hate when people say you don’t need alcohol to have fun you don’t need running shoes to run but it fucken helps.”
I’ve been stabbed in the back by those I needed most. I’ve been lied to by those I love. And I have felt alone when I couldn’t afford to be. But at the end of the day, I had to learn to be my own best friend, because there’s going to be days where no one is going to be there for me but myself.”
I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them.”
I guess the moment when everything changed was when I realized I deserved so much better.”
Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
